Take me out to the Ballgame...

First, I’d like to apologize to Luscious’s son. I know how much he loves baseball.

So – here it is.

I don’t get baseball. I’ll admit it. McSquared seems to be an equal opportunity sports watcher. He likes everything. He likes baseball, football, soccer (when we have access to it), and volleyball—just to name a few. If there’s something to be won competitively, he’ll watch it.

So – I’m here watching the fourth game in the World Series.

I suppose if you really think about it, it’s hard to really give any of these types of games any real weight. I mean, it’s a bunch of grown men chasing after a ball, for the most part. Phallic, isn’t it? But, let’s just say that we don’t find it funny that we spend bajillions of dollars paying these guys to chase after these balls, there is some real heat that goes on between people watching these games. I mean, there are fights over these games sometimes. People can be so funny.

So – let’s get to it. I don’t get baseball. I like football. There is nothing better than seeing a bunch of hunky big boys in tight tight pants. (Not the same as ballet). But there is constant action in football that doesn’t happen in baseball. During the set up, they break to commercial, when there’s a time out, they go to commercial. In football, anything boring cuts to commercial, so you know you have about 60 seconds to pee, get a glass of water, grab that second beer, etc… Baseball though, you watch every second. Every. Single. Second. You watch them chew gum/tobacco like they’re all cows on a pasture. You watch the pitcher set up on the mound, you watch the batter swing his bat a bajillion times before the pitch is actually thrown, and then, when you’ve finally decided it’s too boring to pay any more attention, the pitcher throws the ball, someone whacks it out of the park, and you missed it. You missed it because you decided nothing was going to happen, so you look away for all of two seconds, and you miss it. You miss some amazing base hit missed by the other team, and so someone runs home. And it would have been so exciting to watch, if you had just WATCHED it.

Then, what’s up with the umpires being completely right beyond reproach? Where’s the challenge flag here? In game 4 for example, that guy on the Phillies team CLEARLY misses home, and yet, he was declared safe. Either there was no way to challenge it – or the Yankees were stupid… and I don’t really think the Yankees are stupid. They’re paid enough to have the stupid knocked out of them. So what’s up with that? I mean, football is tolerable because you can challenge a stupid call. It seems to be a little justice there. No disrespect to the umpires (or the referees in football), but everyone makes mistakes. Don’t take it personal. But it can’t be done.

Then there’s this ridiculous talking under their breathe. Everyone talks under their breathe. The umpires are miked, so sometimes they play what was actually said, but there’s no passion accompanied with the talking under their breathe. I mean, there IS passion, but there’s no passion. Like – in soccer and football, there’s a lot of passion, a lot of screaming, a lot of cheering, and a lot of air fist pumping. And that’s just by the players. But, in baseball, the rowdiest people are those in the stands. Everyone else is stoic faced… Even the homeruns come back to quite a stoic reception. I find it all really pretty boring, actually. Any real show of passion is deemed a brouhaha. (Love it when the arguments rise to the level of kicking up dirt at an umpires feet).

So – I suppose what I’m trying to say is not only do I not really get America’s Favorite Passtime, I’ll have to say, to the chagrin of a lot of Americans, that I don’t really like it. I much rather watch soccer or football. Now – those are EXCITING games… And even if they’re really terrible, football players wear tight tight pants, and soccer players often remove their shirts… Which is good family fun (for mom).

Oh – P.S. How can fat people be playing baseball? I can understand why fat guys play football, I’ve yet to see fat people play soccer or volleyball. But I’ve seen pudgy (to say it lovingly) people playing baseball. Now how did THAT happen?

Oh – P.P.S. There are no names on the back of the shirts for the Yankees. What’s up with that?

Oh - P.P.P.S. Baseball seems to be the least physically challenging as compared to football and soccer. What's up with leaving a game for an injury? Unless you get a ball lodge in your head, I'm not sure baseball warrants the same forgiveness for injuries during a game.