Credit Report Card

In college, I was horrendous with my credit. Hor-ren-dous. Let me tell you. I always winced a little when I brought my bra, that was 50% off full retail price, to the counter for purchase, and the Victoria Secrets cashier would ask, “Do you want to save 10% on your purchase by signing up for a credit card?” I made the mistake once of doing just that, and I stood there for about 20 minutes, the phone being passed back and forth from the cashier to me, a long line of people waiting impatiently behind me, only to be told, in front of that line of people, “I’m sorry, the credit history wasn’t good enough. The application for the credit card was rejected. Your credit report didn’t work out for us.”

“Credit report? What credit report?!” I thought. This was right around the time the internet was invented, so I couldn’t even Google what horrible credit report meant. I was just told by MCSquared what it was. Needless to say, I never said yes to one of those credit card deal things again. Never.

As I grew up, my credit score got better. None of that was because of me. MCSquared had taken some control over my (debt) finances, and (paid a lot of it) set me straight in a lot of ways. My only marching orders were (not to spend anymore of my own or his money) fly straight from here on in. So, I did just that, and as of two years ago – my credit history was fantastic. I mean – really really great.

So, today, I go to buy a car, and was told what my credit score was. I was shocked. Not only was it not as good as it used to be, it was barely even good in comparison to the world of credit ratings. It was like getting a C or B minus on a report card. And that’s what it felt like. Like I had worked hard throughout my entire life (since college) to get my credit report back to good, and it was like I had failed a final- and BAM! I got a C on my credit report card.

But the worse wasn’t just hearing that I got such a terrible score… Well, it’s not that terrible, but it’s terrible enough.. But the worse was being called into the back room – and asked to fill out “additional” information. No one is called into the back room unless things on your credit report card came back under par. Just a year ago, I walked out of a dealership with a car, without having to go to the “back room.” I didn’t even think twice about it. But now, it’s as if your teacher is so disgusted with your performance that you have to be sent to the principal’s office. This is the adult version of the principal’s office. Let me add, I was never sent to the principal’s office in school.

So – there I was, sweating; trying to figure out exactly why my credit was what it was, challenging the person behind the desk reading this stuff off the computer if he was REALLY reading it correctly. It was terrible. Then, getting into my car and having to explain to MCSquared that I flew just this side of straight. Hey – I was aiming for that second star to the right…

Some of the things he read off the computer, I knew about. Other things, I had no idea. All I know is, the moment I got home, I signed up for one of the credit reporting companies – just to be able to keep tract of my credit. From now on – there is no messing around. It was like going over a test, or a report card even, and trying to make an argument for why or what happened in each situation. Only problem was, the guy behind the table had no control over any of the scores on my credit report card… So any efforts were completely futile.

Lesson learned. One: keep tract of your credit if you’re not already. I know it’s something people always say that I should have done, and I always said I was going to do it, but I’m GOING TO DO IT now. Two: pay your bills on time. One day after the 30 day mark is not a good thing. Finally: Don’t assume that just because a bill is some measly $100 that the credit report card people will care that you’ve been making all your other really expensive payments on really expensive things. That $100 is going to come back to haunt you.

I’m gonna get a frickin A on my next credit report card (apparently seven years from now – which is just about the amount of time it will take to clear my credit history of all this apparent mess) even if it kills me.

Pucker up Puckerman!!

My new favorite show: Glee
My new favorite character on Glee: Puckerman (CRUSH!!)
Why I love it: Sue Sylvester (made popular as the boss in 40 year old virgin - who sings about the gardener? who sang her a song (about futbol) when he made sweet sweet love to her that first time....)

I'm a nerd at heart - and I sing. This is like a pipe dream... Being in GLEE used to automatically qualify you for instant wedgies and/or being dumped in the school dump for being nerdy... and THAT was even in a nerdy school...

So now, you've got these really hip and cool badasses that are becoming a part of GLEE club... hob knobbing with the nerds. And this show plays up those stereotypes.

Then there's all that unrequited love. What is it about unrequited love that you want to happen, and being that it's a TV show -you're sure somewhere in the 4th or 5th season - some of those relationships will become requited... :)

So - GLEE is IT for me.

Hello, My name is Dyang, and I'm a Dancing with the Stars-aholic.

Why do I love Dancing with the Stars? Two Words.

Derek Hough.

Okay- that’s not true.

Maxim Chmerkovskiy.

Okay – that’s not true either.

Here’s the real truth. I can BEAT THEM. I can totally do better than most of those stars. Well – maybe not the ones who’ve been trained and are dancing/singing performers. But – the others? Oh yeah – I can rock step their world—I say to myself as I take another GINORMOUS helping of ice cream from the Haagen Daaz Vanilla Swiss Almond Pint, and scratch my bum.

Everyone has the bug in them. The — “I could have gotten famous” —bug in them. I didn’t have a bug. I had an epidemic. I had the plague version of it. I couldn’t get into (as in watch – not actually get on the show) American Idol, because my thing was singing, and frankly, I’m too old to be on American Idol. (Dammit – isn’t there a constitutional thing against that – like ageism?) So – that hit too close to (my ego) home.

So – going through all the reality TV shows, the only one that has stuck (from Top Chef, to Project Runway) is Dancing with the Stars. What do I like about it? I like that these incredibly beautiful, agile, and thin women’s skin wrinkles up when they turn/contort their bodies—making it look like sometimes there’s some fat there… There isn’t – but there something about that wrinkled skin that puts a smile on my face. I like that these “celebrities” are D list celebrities, so you could actually RELATE to some of these people as human. Also, despite their celebrity, they all truly want to be a part of the show, convincingly. They all seem to genuinely be vested in winning. I like it because of the ½ nekked guys (and the pretty girls - , who really aren’t that great looking (not- that was for MCSquared’s benefit), but look AMAZING on the dance floor. I love it mainly for the dances. My strategy in watching it is to DVR it. Then watch it either after each show, or after both shows, so I have all two shows and yummy goodness at my fingertips. The only judge I like is Lenny, but even with that said, I fast forward through not only the commercials but also the judges. If I hear one more, “woohoo” from Caryann Inaba (sp?) or one more crazy screaming fit (I can’t really understand much of what he says) from Bruno, it will be too soon. I watch the footage of them working, and then the actual dance. I love seeing the bodies change shape and form. You see toner, leaner bodies of the celebrities towards the end of the show. I love the costumes, dress up, the hair. I love seeing the transformation of what looks like a complete mess, to something amazing on stage.

And I can’t help but think – I can DO THAT! I probably wouldn’t be able to do a simple (impressed?) quick quick or slow slow mambo cha cha cha… All I know is that for the two hours I’m watching them—I’m convinced that I can do the dance too.

I suppose that’s the reason why it’s such a good show. You escape to become a D-list celebrity, who has a lot invested in winning a dancing show.

That and… Derek Hough.

Affection Affliction

Growing up as a child to immigrant parents, I didn't see a lot of affection. Affection wasn't a cause of any kind of celebration; in fact, it was quite awkward when my mom held me in any other way than a hard jerk of the arm to move me out of the way of oncoming traffic or something like that.

Perhaps that is why I am so drawn to it now. I am extremely affectionate with my child. I cuddle with her, I kiss her, I hug her wayyy too much (it has gotten to a point where she puts one tiny little hand on my face and pushes me away)... But it remains relatively strained between my parents and siblings. It even is that way – to a certain extent with MCSquared.

What's this thing society has with affection anyway. Because there's a fine line between too much affection, and too little affection - and everyone knows when the line has been crossed, and when it has not, but no one can tell you where this line is.

Most of the time, affection, or lack thereof, is interpreted by people to be in direct correlation to the amount of love, or lack thereof that someone feels for another.

But I live amongst a whole people who do not subscribe to this belief. Traditional Chinese people are not affectionate in any way shape or form. In fact, there should be no mistaking accidental touching for anything other than an accident. I used to watch Chinese movies, when a girl put her head on a guy’s shoulder – I used to think, “What are you THINKING!! Do you want to be labeled a ho!? Get your head off that guy’s shoulder!!!” – And imagine-I lived amongst a people who believed that wasn’t even getting to second base on a date. ( I still have yet to really figure out what second base was/is – I just know, for certain, that that was not it). In fact, this is precisely the reason why I couldn’t stomach that scene in “A Joy Luck Club” where (SPOILER ALERT!!!) the father is consoling the daughter when she finds out that her mother has had twins long ago, and unbeknownst to her mother, they were not dead, and it was her duty as a daughter to go to China to meet these girls and tell them of their mother’s death. What’s up with all the hugs, and weepy weepy I love you’s? It doesn’t happen in any Chinese family that I’VE ever met.
So – needless to say- it’s caused a lot of confusion in my life. There is an inner push/pull in my desire for affection, and then my judgment of people who openly give it.

What’s so wrong with a guy kissing a girl on the street? (Who just so happens to have his tongue so far down her throat you’d think he was checking the contents of her stomach, and one hand nauseatingly grappling for some part of her body). We are repelled by it, but haven’t we all been in a situation where we longed to be in it? So oblivious to everyone around you that you only have hands…ere… eyes for the person you’re with?

MCsquared, being Chinese or American when it conveniently furthers his agenda, is decidedly traditional in this area. He’s extremely cordial in public. Won’t hold my hand, won’t give me a kiss. His claim to me is the ring I wear around my finger. Aside from that, we could be brother and sister for anyone knows/cares. I long for that open affection. The hand draped over my shoulder, careless brush of my hair out of my eyes, soft graze of the hand over mine… quote any equivalent harlequin novel’s description of a first “touch” and I’d thought about it with MCsquared 9 years into our marriage.

Don’t get me wrong. He is affectionate with me. All behind closed doors. All between him and me. In fact, if ever disputed, it could fall on a “he said she said” argument. I don’t think people have seen him affectionate with me, or if they have, it was a rarity. He’s happy with it that way. Usually, I’m content, because I’m pretty sure of how he feels about me, but when you’re sitting across a couple that has every appendage intertwined in some way, it’s hard to not wish that your husband would just hold your hand. I suppose, in the end, it’s not what you know about how your loved one feels about you, but it’s also about whether or not the world perceives that person to feel that way about you. To his credit, MCSquared has argued that he isn’t like that because, “It has been engrained in our psyche for generations upon generations to be THIS way.” Well, he’s also used that line on childrearing and laundry – so take that any way you will…

Traditional Chinese people do not have this belief. Traditional Chinese people that is. They believe that you should KNOW, and not be reminded. It should show through their actions, and not their words. But not in how they show you affection. Traditional Chinese people show their love in other ways. It is mostly through passive aggressive guilt. Okay, I may be a little jaded. But when a Chinese person says, “I do not beat yell at people I don’t care about” they mean it. Chinese people are incredibly polite to people they dislike. In fact, in Cantonese, there’s this saying, “Suy mut gum hock hay neh?” which translates to, “Why are you being so polite.” You usually say it when a friend thanks you for doing something for them, and you gently chide them for being so polite with you in thanking you. Because, close friends/family do not thank each other for things they are supposed to do for each other. But that’s an entirely different blog.

What I try to remember is - affection means different things to different people. For the most part, Americans are pretty affectionate. I have given my daughter affection, and so has her father. She is very Americanized that way. I think cultural practices should kind of survive according to Darwinism. If the cultural practice is stupid…I mean… weak, it should waste away by the roadside. Survival of the fittest cultural practice.

I have a funny feeling a whole bunch of Chinese people are gonna start hugging each other in public – very soon.

Gain control of your remote control

I'm not going to be writing about the handheld button thingy that controls the TV, although an entire blog can be written about that.

What I mean is, we often give people control over us without really relinquishing it. I call that remote controlling. You're controlled by a person (remotely if you will). Let me give you an example. Ever reach for that second helping, or a second cookie, or heck - a first cookie for that matter -and you look over at your mom - or your spouse, and they've got that look on their face. All of a sudden, you're putting that cookie down, you're putting that second helping down. Remote control.

Take it back. Take it back like you'd take back a remote control from a remote control hogger. Take it back like your life depended on it. Because- to a certain extent, it does.

I think we should be influenced, to a certain extent, by the people around us. I think influence is good. Asking for advice, giving advice... all good. In fact, there can't be good girlfriends without advice being shared and given. But that's not what remote control is about. Remote control is about the unwanted influence that a person has over you. You think it's all about the person that is remotely controlling you - but in reality - it's the receipt of that remote control.

That look that your mom or your spouse gives you. It means nothing to a friend, a stranger, anyone else for that matter. Because they see the look - but they receive it differently. You see the consequence of doing what you want, and often, its not worth the effort - because in the end, it'll be nagging, or snide comments, etc...
This isn't easy, but ignore it. Ignore that voice that tells you that you have to do what this person is passive aggressively telling you you should do. It's not easy, and heck - it can be going against everything you have learned as a kid, but - try it. Because if you do it enough - the person will come to realize that they cannot control you that way...

And then- the next step - slowly work on your receipt of people's words. By default, people often take ownership of someone else's feelings. If someone is quiet around you - you automatically ask, "are you angry with me?" or "did I do something wrong?" Mdeanwhile, it can have nothing to do with you. In fact, often enough - it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Society, however, fosters reading into someone's body language. Ellen DeGeneres did this whole thing on trying to convey to the person sitting behind you that they shouldn't be kicking your seat..

http://www.spike.com/video/ellen-degeneres-here/2483602

(its the last 20 seconds of the clip.

We all learn to read these social cues, and I guess they're great when it comes to interacting with people you don't know. But remote controllers use this to their advantage, and we're stuck.. Because even if we didn't grow up with this particular remote controller - it's usually pretty apparent what it is that they want the person to do - ultimately.

The point of my story is - you can point a remote control to a TV and click away- but if the TV is unplugged - it doesn't matter what the remote control does, what buttons it pushes... It won't work.

I'm striving to unplug where necessary. There aren't a lot of remote controllers in my life, but the ones that are there do a pretty good job remotely controlling me.

Now I just gotta learn how to unplug.

Kick the Bucket List...

I couldn't figure out what a bucket list was until I watched the movie aptly named the Bucket List.

*ding* - the light went off....

It's a list of things that we want to do before we kick the proverbial bucket. Things we want to do before we die. For a lot of people, this usually involves some height thing.. (bungee jumping off a bridge, sky diving, rock diving... sort of diving... Like that is really you looking death in the face...)

But more importantly, it's a motivational tool we use to make sure that we accomplish the things on the list because they represent the most important things we wanna do in our lives...

And most of them have nothing to do with the most important things in our lives...

Sigh. Well - I surveyed 4 out of 5 close friends/family members and asked them what they would like on their bucket list. Aside from the usual suspects on the list (sky diving, bungee jumping...) there was - travel to exotic places, do something related to an unrequited talent (i.e., try out for America's Got Talent, or a broadway show) or something involving money (i.e., spend it all)...

Pay in mind - this is not an all inclusive list of things everyone would want to do - but I thought it was pretty representative, so this is a blog in generalities (kinda like all my other blogs - so forgive the preaching if this doesn't apply to you...)

Here's the thing - the most important things that you want to do should involve the people you love the most in your life... and I don't mean bringing them with you to these exotic places or giving them a shoutout when you're on TV for America's Got Talent.

It's the kind word you keep neglecting to give your child. The phone call you're gonna give your mom that you haven't done. The words of affection to your significant other, the flowers to your wife just because. These mundane things that seem so easy to do everyday - and yet we neglect to do them everyday. Everyday can be cause for you to do a bucket list. Everday could be your last. So the exotic things would be nice, but I'm sure Madagascar will not miss you, but your parents, spouse or children will. I'm sure the earth won't care if you're not plummeting towards it at high speeds, but a friend would.

I'm just saying... why so grandiose bucket list? I'm sure there are a number of things you have weighing on your heart that involve the people you love the most (admit it to yourself or not..) Make that your dang bucket list - and make the other things just thing you'd like to do...

It would be nice if I could make it to Rome or Milan, but I definitely need to tell my mom how amazing a mom she is, before I die.

Now - if you'll excuse me now, I'm gonna call my mom.