Gain control of your remote control

I'm not going to be writing about the handheld button thingy that controls the TV, although an entire blog can be written about that.

What I mean is, we often give people control over us without really relinquishing it. I call that remote controlling. You're controlled by a person (remotely if you will). Let me give you an example. Ever reach for that second helping, or a second cookie, or heck - a first cookie for that matter -and you look over at your mom - or your spouse, and they've got that look on their face. All of a sudden, you're putting that cookie down, you're putting that second helping down. Remote control.

Take it back. Take it back like you'd take back a remote control from a remote control hogger. Take it back like your life depended on it. Because- to a certain extent, it does.

I think we should be influenced, to a certain extent, by the people around us. I think influence is good. Asking for advice, giving advice... all good. In fact, there can't be good girlfriends without advice being shared and given. But that's not what remote control is about. Remote control is about the unwanted influence that a person has over you. You think it's all about the person that is remotely controlling you - but in reality - it's the receipt of that remote control.

That look that your mom or your spouse gives you. It means nothing to a friend, a stranger, anyone else for that matter. Because they see the look - but they receive it differently. You see the consequence of doing what you want, and often, its not worth the effort - because in the end, it'll be nagging, or snide comments, etc...
This isn't easy, but ignore it. Ignore that voice that tells you that you have to do what this person is passive aggressively telling you you should do. It's not easy, and heck - it can be going against everything you have learned as a kid, but - try it. Because if you do it enough - the person will come to realize that they cannot control you that way...

And then- the next step - slowly work on your receipt of people's words. By default, people often take ownership of someone else's feelings. If someone is quiet around you - you automatically ask, "are you angry with me?" or "did I do something wrong?" Mdeanwhile, it can have nothing to do with you. In fact, often enough - it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Society, however, fosters reading into someone's body language. Ellen DeGeneres did this whole thing on trying to convey to the person sitting behind you that they shouldn't be kicking your seat..

http://www.spike.com/video/ellen-degeneres-here/2483602

(its the last 20 seconds of the clip.

We all learn to read these social cues, and I guess they're great when it comes to interacting with people you don't know. But remote controllers use this to their advantage, and we're stuck.. Because even if we didn't grow up with this particular remote controller - it's usually pretty apparent what it is that they want the person to do - ultimately.

The point of my story is - you can point a remote control to a TV and click away- but if the TV is unplugged - it doesn't matter what the remote control does, what buttons it pushes... It won't work.

I'm striving to unplug where necessary. There aren't a lot of remote controllers in my life, but the ones that are there do a pretty good job remotely controlling me.

Now I just gotta learn how to unplug.