I love you … good bye.

Like everyone else in America, I am glued to the screen watching the Winter Olympics. Like a lot of people (more who would not care to admit) I am glued to the TV for the human interest stories. The biggest one that comes to mind right now is Shen Xue and Zhao Hongbo. For those of you who might not know who they are because (1) you’ve been held captive in a cave for the last 5 days, (2) you have too much of a life, and have only arisen from your drunken stupor to read my awesome blog, or (3) you are deaf, dumb and blind – Shen Xue and Zhao Hongbo are/is the Chinese couple who came out of retirement to win the gold after winning the bronze twice in previous winter games So – I’m totally rooting for them.



Not cause they’re Chinese. Well – there might be a little bit of that in there too.

Whilst watching the drawn out 9 hour coverage of just the figure skating, peppered with speed skating, snowboarding (which was awesome) and other such things, they did this little story about the Chinese coach who helped them get to where they are right now. His name is Yao Bin. He was recounting his story of how he became a coach. He was in the Olympics, and he threw his partner for one of those throw your partner in the air and hope she lands gracefully on foot and doesn’t fall thingies… and well.. she fell. He said that was a great embarrassment for him – and as a result – he went into coaching to teach others how to not be embarrassed that way.

The he said something that floored me. He was away from his family for two decades. He didn’t see the birth of his son. He cried a bit after that revelation – and the first thing I screamed out at the indifferent TV was – “I hope it was worth it!”

Why am I so angry about that? Because Chinese people seem to live a double standard. On the one hand, they stress family and togetherness, and filial piety and all that stuff.. The unit, not the individual. And then, when it comes to making a livelihood – Chinese people will kill their own young (at least in spirit, by leaving them for so long…) to get ahead in their own aspirations.



I don’t get that. It’s a generalization – it’s true. But it seems to be one that still holds true today. My husband feels that it is alright, and so does a couple of my Chinese friends. It is important to make money- and if that means leaving your family for a couple of years – so be it.



Remembering where I’m coming from, I suppose you can argue that I don’t understand because I’ve never been at a place where I needed to leave my family to make money. Don’t get me wrong – I completely understand when you need to leave your family and make money to SURVIVE. But that’s not what this guy did. He didn’t leave his family because they weren’t making ends meet. He left because he wanted to actualize a greater good- and make sure that other skaters didn’t go through what he was going through… the embarrassment.



Well – what the heck about his family? His kid? His wife? What about them? Did they have to live his dream for him? What if she never signed up for it? What if he had to realize this dream AFTER he met her? What if – for her – she was in the middle of what she expected to be her life, only to be railroaded with this?



In America, there is no understanding that the familial unit is greater than the one. In fact, in America, all is done to teach the individual to survive on their own. You go to college, and if you come back, there’s some humiliation there. It’s meant to be there. Go sew your own oats now boy. Make a man outta yourself. Since the feminist movement, that has translated to women as well. We’ve come full circle because now – kids come flying back. But it’s not because of some necessity to keep the family together. It’s because they can’t DO better in standard of living in their paltry entry-level salaries.



In China, you’re supposed to be a part of your family. You’re supposed to come home after college. You’re supposed to be a part of the family!!! It is what is understood. Sure – you’re actions should be done to honor your family – so I get how Yao Bin did what he did to honor his family – but heck – who cares about honor when you’re not there!?!?!



So – I call bullshit on that practice. You pick a job that keeps you home – unless your entire survival – and the survival of your family depends on it. Otherwise, I call bullshit.



Okay – now I’m off to watch the team I was here to watch.



Dude.. My palms are sweating…

EPILOGUE

They WON!!

Totally awesome!!

And read their story!!

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