Recently – I’ve been having dreams of a past boyfriend – let’s call him Dante. It’s unnerving. I don’t have any desire to be Dante’s friend. I don’t have any desire to know about Dante – or know what’s going on with him. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been with MCSquared. But – I keep dreaming about Dante.
It’s driving me nuts!
Why won’t our past just stay there? I’m no psychic. I have no amazing ability to know when people are thinking of me – or that they need me if I am thinking of them. I can’t feel it if my sister gets her hand burned when cooking – or other such nonsense.
So – why won’t my past get out of my head?
Do you know why this is frustrating me? Because it’s not the first time I’ve dreamt about Dante. Worse – I feel like I’m cheating on MCSquared. Not that I’m doing anything with Dante, but just dreaming about him makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. Subconsciously – why am I thinking of him? I can almost understand if MCSquared and I weren’t doing well – and we were fighting as we were before. But – we’re not. We’re talking, we’re sharing, we’re having a grand ‘ol time together.
MCSquared has a mantra he lives by. Don’t tempt fate. I believe in that. I think there are guilty pleasures someone might have – and a quick way to lead your life into an abyss is to give tempt it. Oh – well if I only do this one. If I only contact Dante once, remind him I want nothing to do with him – just that I think of him and I hope he’s doing well. What does that do? It does nothing but make me feel temporarily better. But – doesn’t it then open the door for him to try to contact me? Isn’t that dangerous?
I’ve wanted to contact this guy for months. Months. Just to see how he was doing. MCSquared basically thinks “dated = dead.” Meaning – once you’ve dated a person – and broken up – you must treat them like they are dead to you – otherwise, you’d be tempting fate. I agree now. I didn’t before, but to a certain extent, nnow , I agree. If you’re still friends with an ex – there’s unfinished business there. Plus, you were once attracted to this person. Just because you broke up doesn’t mean you stop being attracted. So – doesn’t that make it just as bad if not worse than you showing attraction to a complete stranger on the street? I’d be jealous if MCSquared did that (which – I can never catch him doing it – and it has been fantastic for me…I know he does – cognitively – but well – I don’t catch him doing it…)
Alls I'm saying is - I just want the past to quit me. I don't want to think about the past when I've got a good thing going now.
Past past go away.
Ne'er come back another day!!
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