As you might have guessed, I am/did/will be/in the future having a birthday to celebrate.
Birthdays do funny things to people. Men, women, the young, the old, there's something about the marking of a year of your life that makes you take stock of the previous year you lived and contemplate the next year you're going to live. For some people, it's an ever ticking time clock, counting down the number of days you have left before the skin is looser everywhere, things are sagging that didn't sag before, and there are wayyy too many younger versions of you catching you (and your significant other's) eye.
This year, my birthday is no big milestone, nothing girnormous happened this year in particular. I'm not particularly moved to reevaluate the last year of my life or try to plan the next year of my life. I've finally reached a point in my life where I'm completely comfortable in my skin. It doesn't mean that I don't have any insecurities, that I don't mess up, I'm forgetful and I'm still aging. But - I know I have my flaws, and I struggle to make myself a better person, but in the end, flaws and all - this is who I am - and I'm not bad... (and gosh darn it - people like me...)
Up until about 4 years ago, I was insecure, doubtful, I didn't know what I wanted, who I was, where I was going. I used to be in awe of people who did. And then - one day - I figured it out, then flipped over in bed, and I've not lost sleep over this since. I'll tell you what the answer is.. and then you'll go to sleep happily and never lose sleep over this again either.
No one has it completely together. Who you are is who you are - flaws, indecision, inseurities and all. The moment you "know who you are" is when you can look in the mirror, and accept all the flaws you have, accept that your path changes everyday, and even well laid out plans aren't really "where you're going" - because life definitely has a way of making you change course midstream sometimes, and you will always have inseurities, no matter how secure you are.
There. Throw away the Ambien.
The moment you accept those things, and stop trying to force round pegs into square holes (not literally, and not in any gross sexual kind of way either.. ew....) you'll finally know yourself.. and feel comfy in your skin.
It's wherre I am right now.
So - Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday dear awesome-oh meee..
Hippo Birdie two geese!!
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