Dating in the Dark

So there's this new show on ABC called "Dating in the Dark." There is no other way to make a play on the name - so I'm not even going to try. Dating in the Dark is hilarious. I mean - absolutely hilarious...


So - if you don't know the premise of the show, its about six people, three men and three women who come together in a shared house but never see each other. When they DO meet, it is in a dark room. Literally: a dark room with no lighting and nothing that would enable them to see each other. All men and all women meet each other in the light, but they do not meet any person from the opposite sex in the light until the end. There seems to be a first meeting- when all six of them go into the dark room to get acquainted. Then women choose who to "date" first in the dark; then men choose who to "date" next in the dark; then they show compatibility of the couples, and then they get another chance to date... Then there are a bunch of manipulations (i.e., video of their apartments shown to the opposite sex, wallets and bags, pictures are drawn of what each group thinks the other group looks like, etc…) and from there – they finally get to a chance to see a selected person. That’s the twist. The person you request to see is the person you have decided you either will or won’t be the person you would want to see again. So – each person is ‘revealed’ to the other upon request, and from there – if you show up at the balcony – in broad daylight – you two have decided that you want to continue to meet after the show. The catch is, from the balcony, you can see the other person walk away if they choose to. I have yet to see BOTH people decide it’s not a match.


My sister, Sizzle-lean, and I were watching - not knowing that the other was watching – this TV show, and she called me and said – wouldn’t this be something great to blog about?!?! Instantly, I’m like – TOTALLY! And then – I realize… exactly which part of how wrong this is should I blog about?


Should I blog about the superficial nature of people and how looks can turn everything around? Should I blog about the people who go ON this show – and why it isn’t the best way to meet a mate? (I mean – if we just take a look at reality ‘get together’ shows and the number of people who ACTUALLY stay together – thanks Tristan and Ryan! – it would be quite obvious – that this might not be the best way to do it.) Should I blog about how I would love to do this – but not let it be on camera, and not let anyone else in the world know I did it, and never meet the person on the other side?


There are so many things I could blog about.. But – lets stick with the safe on—which is superficial-ness (if that’s a word at all).


First of all, I do believe in superficial-ness when it comes to looks. According to Wiktionary – superficial means, “shallow, lacking substance; at face value; pertaining to the surface; being near the surface.” So – the most immediate superficial thing about a person is the way they look. But – on a side note – if superficial is defined as shallow, lacking substance, how can you believe that what is provided in the first X number of dates of this show, or any relationship, isn’t a shallow representation of their personality. How can anyone believe that you get to the depth of a person by what they say in the first X number of dates? So – essentially – isn’t the whole thing a superficial process, and everything associated—superficial? So – why just judge the participant’s based entirely on their decisions associated with the “looks” thing? Right? (gingerly stepping off my soap box – slipping it under my desk, sitting down to type the rest of this blog…).


I believe that it is important to be attracted to the way someone looks. I don’t necessarily believe that it has to be good-looking people. No one says anything about someone who is attracted to what society deems an “ugly” person – and outright rejects a hottie. People start wondering what’s wrong with the person for not being attracted to the hottie, not – why is this person so superficial, and they only will go for a hottie. So – I believe, whatever you are physically attracted to – if that is not there – it’s a no go.

On the other hand, and second of all, I think that if someone isn’t repulsed by a person but is extremely attracted to their personality – I think it’s a good idea to explore that. The cool thing about “dating in the dark” is that it’s not like the Bachelor – which requires some sort of proposal at the end. Here, you are only saying that you’d like to go on another date with a person. For men, I think it’s a little harder, because men are all about the eye candy – but with women – there is some wiggle room. I personally believe that for men, there is a HUGE association between attraction based on looks versus personality. There have been studies reviewed by the New York Times Science section that I’ve read trying to explain this phenomenon, referencing how men’s sense of attraction is tied intimately with what they see. But women, on my own experience, not through an article, are able to look a little bit beyond physical appearance and focus on the personality. Don’t get me wrong, I think this can happen with both sexes, but I think women are able to do it more immediately than men. Y’know – that friend that grows on you – that you were not initially attracted to – but their winning personality made them look attractive. That’s happened in my life – so I think it can happen. I’ve seen it happen with men too – but it takes longer (usually years – and after several other conquests). I’m just saying, you really might grow to feel that chemical attraction to that person...


The concept of dating in the dark is not so crazy. I think it’s a lot like dating online. You find someone online and you don’t see them. Or worse, they send a picture of themselves that misrepresents how they look (either a picture of someone else, or a picture of themselves in their 20’s and now they’re 40something… ) That goes to their character, and usually, you’ll find out anyway… The only difference is – these people are in such close proximity – that they could potentially do something they’d regret… physically. For example, on the show – there has been major kissing… What if you found out that you were kissing someone that absolutely repulsed you on-site.. What was a nice kiss – all of a sudden turned into something that was way worse.. and unfortunately – you can never “unsee” what you’ve seen, and therefore, cannot maintain that little fantasy you had prior to seeing.


So – what’s the point of this rambling blog? Okay – a friend, we’ll call her Sprout, didn’t like the “assignments” I gave out at the end of my blogs… she said, “What’s up with the homework?” So – no homework in this blog (no promise about future blogs) – but I suppose the point is – looks matter. Judge me if you want – but – it is too provincial for people to base their own opinions about a person just because the person decides that they aren’t attracted to the person physically. Physical attraction is EXTREMELY important. That doesn’t mean that if you’re what society deems “unattractive” all is lost. Everyone is beautiful. You just gotta find the right person who’s attracted to your kind of beauty. Both inside, and out.